Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
