wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
