Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
