I didn't shave. On purpose
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
