On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
