shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
