Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
