She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
