Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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