Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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