I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
