Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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