on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Im part way to drunk.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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