life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i think my cat just said my name.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
