I think i peed on brittanys purse
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
