are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I wear drunk well.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
