If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She's the barista slut.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
