So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
