how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
