Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He has the fingertips of a God
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
