ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
