Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
