Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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