i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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