So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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