I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
