hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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