why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
