Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
