i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
