dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She bit a glass in half.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
