Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
