You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
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