what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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