I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
