Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
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