some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
