He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
