He had one of those small greek statue penises
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize