My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
