When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
