Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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