Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
be right there i have to get my cape
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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