It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
