tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
