He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
