I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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