just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
