I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
