She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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