Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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