This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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