he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
