What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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