ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
