OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You have to summon your inner elephant
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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