I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
