rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
