i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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