I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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