You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
