You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
