i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
