you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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