I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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