Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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