Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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