Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
