Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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