So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize