I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
