dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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