Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
