You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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