I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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