first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
