Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
