I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
